What is the socialization process?

Socialization is the process by which children and adults learn from others. We begin learning from others during the early days of life; and most people continue their social learning all through life (unless some mental or physical disability slows or stops the learning process). Sometimes the learning is fun, as when we learn a new sport, art or musical technique from a friend we like. At other times, social learning is painful, as when we learn not to drive too fast by receiving a large fine for speeding.

Natural socialization occurs when infants and youngsters explore, play and discover the social world around them. Planned socialization occurs when other people take actions designed to teach or train others -- from infancy on. Natural socialization is easily seen when looking at the young of almost any mammalian species (and some birds). Planned socialization is mostly a human phenomenon; and all through history, people have been making plans for teaching or training others. Both natural and planned socialization can have good and bad features: It is wise to learn the best features of both natural and planned socialization and weave them into our lives.

Positive socialization is the type of social learning that is based on pleasurable and exciting experiences. We tend to like the people who fill our social learning processes with positive motivation, loving care, and rewarding opportunities. Negative socialization occurs when others use punishment, harsh criticisms or anger to try to "teach us a lesson;" and often we come to dislike both negative socialization and the people who impose it on us.

There are all types of mixes of positive and negative socialization; and the more positive social learning experiences we have, the happier we tend to be -- especially if we learn useful information that helps us cope well with the challenges of life. A high ratio of negative to positive socialization can make a person unhappy, defeated or pessimistic about life. One of the goals of Soc 142 is to show people how to increase the ratio of positive to negative in the socialization they receive from others -- and that they give to others. [Some people will defend negative socialization, since painful training can prepare people to be ready to fight and die in battle, put themselves at great risk in order to save others, endure torture and hardship. This is true; but many people receive far more negative socialization than they need, and hopefully fewer and fewer people will need to be trained for battle, torture and hardship.]

Soc 142 shows that positive socialization, coupled with valuable information about life and the skills needed to live well, can be a powerful tool for promoting human development. We all have an enormous human potential, and we all could develop a large portion of it if we had the encouragement that comes from positive socialization and the wisdom that comes from valuable information about living. Information about both natural and planned socialization can be especially useful.

Our prior socialization helps explain a gigantic chunk of who we are at present -- what we think and feel, where we plan to go in life. But we are not limited by the things given to us by our prior social learning experiences; we can take all our remaining days and steer our future social learning in directions that we value. The more that we know about the socialization process, the more effective we can be in directing our future learning in the ways that will help us most.

Because we were not able to select our parents, we were not able to control much of the first 10 or 20 years of our socialization. However, most people learn to influence their own socialization as they gain experience in life. It takes special skills to steer and direct our own socialization, and many of us pick up some of those skills naturally as we go through life. Having a course on socialization can help us understand which skills are most effective in guiding our socialization toward the goals we most value.

It is important to know that we all come into life with a variety of psychology systems that foster self-actualization and favor the development of our human potential. These are the biosocial mechanisms that underlie natural socialization. We can see and study natural socialization by examining the socialization of primates and other mammals. Once we under the natural biosocial processes, we can try to build strategies of self-actualization that are compatible with the natural biosocial mechanisms we are born with to make self-development as easy and rewarding as possible.

Soc 142 shows how the natural self-actualization systems operate in everyday life so we can create as many good social experiences as possible. The study of behavior principles in everyday life is crucial to this, and that is why John and Janice Baldwin wrote a book with that name. If we understand the ways to create positive socialization experiences, we can take our human potential and develop the happy and creative sides of that potential. If we had too much negative socialization in the past and have learned to be too sad or inhibited, knowledge about positive socialization can help minimize some of the pain and allow us to build toward a more positive and creative future.

The goal of Soc 142 is to help you learn how to be most effective in directing your own socialization and self-actualization processes toward the goals that you value most. Special attention will be paid to exploration, play, creativity, wisdom, and positive reinforcement -- five centrally important aspects of positive socialization.

Socialization and Value-Orientation

The function of childbearing remains incomplete without its more crucial part of child rearing and upbringing – their education, orientation, character-building and gradual initiation into religion and culture. It is because of this aspect that family care becomes a full-time job. No other institution or even a number of institutions can take care of this function.

“ . . . and be mindful of your duty to God in whose Name you appeal to one another and to (the ties of) The womb”. [Q 4:1]

To be conscious of duty to the ties of the womb as an all-embracing demand includes obligations towards the wife, the children and other relations. “And take care of what is for you” in Surah al-Baqarah also refers to the same function. [Q 2:223] One is enjoined to take care of one’s self and the members of the family.

“O you who believe”, says the Qur’an, “strive to protect yourselves and your wives and children from the Fire”. [Q 44:6] This objective is set forth in the form of prayer in a number of places:

“Our Lord! Grant us in our spouses and our offspring the comfort of our eyes and make us a model for the heedful”. [Q 25:74]

“My Lord! Make me keep up prayer and (also) let my offspring (do so). Our Lord, accept my appeal! Our Lord, forgive me and my parents . . .” [Q 14:40-41]

The family’s role as a basic organ of socialization is referred to by the Prophet in a number of ahadith (traditional sayings) where he has said that every child is born in the nature of Islam and it is his parents who transform him into a Christian, Jew or Magian.

The Prophet has said:

“Of all that a father can give to his children, the best is their good education and training”.

“And whosoever has cared for his three daughters or three sisters and given them a good education and training, treating them with kindness till God makes them stand on their own feet, by God’s grace he has earned for himself a place in paradise”.

Although one’s first responsibility is to one’s children and younger brothers and sisters, this institution of family covers a number of relations, near and distant, according to the circumstances. Care of one’s parents and of the weaker or poorer members of the family has been enjoined again and again by the Qur’an and the Sunnah.

Social and Economic Security

The institution of the family is an important part of the Islamic system of socio-economic security. The rights do not relate merely to moral, cultural and ideological aspects; they include the economic and social rights of the family members. The Prophet has said: “When God endows you with prosperity, spend first on yourself and your family”. Maintenance of the family is a legal duty of the husband, even if the wife is rich. Spending on the “relations of the womb” has been specifically enjoined. Poor relatives have a prior claim upon one’s Zakat and other social contributions. The law of inheritance also reveals the nature of economic obligations within the family structure. This responsibility extends to a number of relations. One’s parents and grandparents and paternal and maternal relations have a claim upon one’s wealth and resources. Someone once said to the Prophet, “I have property and my father is in need of it”. The Prophet (PBUH) replied, “You and your property belong to your father. Your children are among the finest things you acquire. Eat of what your children acquire”.

There are ahadith emphasizing the rights of aunts, uncles and other relatives. Orphans in the family are to be absorbed and treated like one’s children. Other members are to be looked after and treated with honour, kindness and respect, and in the same way these responsibilities extend to one’s grand-children and great-grandchildren. Even the needy relatives of any of the spouses have claims upon the well to-do members. One of the functions of marriage and the family is to extend the ties with relatives and to weld them all into a system of socio-economic cohesion and mutual support. This is not merely a system of economic security, although economic inter-dependence and support are its important elements. Islam established a system of psycho-social security.

The members of the family remain integrated within it; the aged do not go to old people’s homes. Orphans are not thrown into orphanages. The poor and unemployed are not made to survive on public assistance. Instead, all of these problems are, in the first instance, solved within the framework of the family in a way that is more humane and is in keeping with the honour and needs of everyone. It is not economic deprivation alone that is catered for; emotional needs are also taken care of.

The social role of the family becomes very clear in the context of the Qur’anic injunction about polygamy. Limited polygamy is permitted in Islam, as Islam is a practical religion and is meant for the guidance of human beings made of flesh and blood. There may be situations wherein forced monogamy may lead to moral or social incongruities with disastrous consequences. The sexual urge is not uniform in all human beings, nor is their capacity to control themselves. For a number of reasons, a man may be exposed to a situation where the choice before him could be between a second marriage or a drift towards sin. In such situations, polygamy is permitted.

Similarly there may be more pronounced family or social situations. To take only one social instance, there are periods, particularly after wars, when the number of women in a society exceeds that of men. In such a situation, either some women must remain perpetual spinsters and/or live in sin or they may be absorbed into the family system through polygamy. Islam prefers their absorption into the family. This points to the social function of marriage as a corrective of certain social imbalances.

Similarly, there may be orphans in the family or society and the family alone can provide them with the love, care and dignity they need. The verse in the Qur’an which gives permission for polygamy was revealed after the war of Uhud wherein about ten per cent of the Muslim army was killed, creating a problem of widows and orphans in the society. Although the permission is general, the historical context provides important clues to the function of the institution. The Qur’an says:

“And if you fear that you will not deal fairly by the orphans, many such women as may seem good to you, two or three or four (at a time). If you fear that you will not act justly, then (marry) one woman (only) or someone your right hand controls. That is more likely to keep you from injustice”. [Q 4:3]

Marriage has also been encouraged to extend protection for the week within the family. The Prophet [PBUH] commended the behavior of a bright young man who married an older widow because he had younger sisters, and as their mother had died, he wanted to marry a woman who could take care of them and bring them up properly.

The family, in the Islamic scheme of life, provides for economic security as it provides for moral, social and emotional security and also leads to integration and cohesion among the relations. Thus, it establishes a very wide and much more humane system of socio-economic security.

Widening the Family Horizons and Producing Social Cohesion in Society

Marriage is also a means of widening the area of one’s relations and developing affinities between different groups of the various societies – between families, tribes and nationalities. The Prophet (PBUH) has said:

“Matrimonial alliances (between two families or tribes) increases friendship more than anything else”.

Marriage acts as a bridge between different families, tribes and communities and has been instrumental in the absorption of diverse people into a wider affinity. In practice, marriage played this role in the early Islamic period as well as throughout Islamic history and in all parts of the world.

Motivation for Effort and Sacrifice

It has also been indirectly suggested that marriage increases one’s sense of responsibility and induces one to make greater efforts towards earning a living and improving one’s economic lot. This aspect is referred to by the Qur’an when it enjoins people to marry; it says:

“Marry those among you who are single and (marry) your slaves, male and female, that are righteous; if they are poor, God will enrich them out of His bounty; God is All-Embracing, All-Knowing”. [Q 24:32]

These are some of the major functions which are performed by the family in Islamic society. It provides for the reproduction and continuation of the human race. It acts as the protector of the morals of the individual and society. It increases congenial context for the spiritual and emotional fulfillment of the spouses, as also of all other members of the family and promotes love, compassion and tranquility in society.

It initiates the new generations into the culture, tradition and further evolution of their civilization. It is the sheet anchor of a system of socio-economic security. It sharpens the motivation of man and strengthens incentives for effort and social progress. It is the cradle of civilization and a bridge that enables the new generations to move into the society. It is the link that joins the past with the present and with the future in such a way that social transition and change take place through a healthy and stable process. Thus it is, on the one hand, the means adopted for regulating relations between the sexes and providing the mechanism by which the relation of a child to the community is determined and on the other, it is the basic unit of society integrating its members within and enabling them to play their ideological and cultural role in the world (both now and in the future). This is the all-embracing significance of the institution of the family. If this institution is weakened or destroyed, the future of the entire culture and civilization will be threatened.

The key role in the proper development of the family is played by the women. In an Islamic society, she is freed from the rigours of running about in search of a living and attending to the demands of employment and work. Instead she more or less exclusively devotes herself to the family, not merely to her own children, but to all the dependant relations in the family. She is responsible for running it in the best possible manner. She looks after its physical, emotional, educational, and administrative and other needs. It is a world in itself and involves a network of activities, intellectual, physical and organizational. She runs and rules this world with responsibility and authority.

STRUCTURE, PRINCIPLES AND RULES

We have discussed the salient features of the Islamic outlook on life, the foundations of the family in Islam and its objectives and functions. In this final section an effort will be made to explain briefly the actual working of the institution of the family in Islam, its structure, principles and rules.